Mittwoch, 1. Dezember 2010

me and peter pan

it's the 1th december and just like every year i start to panic
december means the new year is near and 30 days are normally nothing in compare to lifetime
i always rated new years eve as the worst day off all ,not only because i'm terrible scared of firework,
no i fear the change of the year.
i can't stand the parties,i can't stand the happiness, i can't stand realizing i spent another year doing probably nothing,wasting my time
the imagination of this year kills me,eats me from inside since years
i'm turning eighteen in april and i just don't feel emotionally ready to be rated as a "grown up"
i know its only a number and i know your still young with eighteen and i'm overreacting
but it feels like i'm losing a long loved friend
i always did fine being the desprate misunderstood teenager,listening to nirvana in school instead of talking to anyone
now with turning eighteen i feel like i need to take responsibility of my life,behaving like...grown up people do,
being nice and friendly to strangers and fuckers
i like being moody and odd
i like hating everyone except stones and my bed
i like being a fucking teenager
the day i turned sixteen i hid under my blanket the whole day because i realized that with thirteen my biggest wish was to be sixteen
suddenly i understood that i will never have the chance to be thirteen again
same now,i will turn eighteen,nineteen,twenty
i will never have the chance to be thirteen,sixteen or seventeen again..
i will live the life of a grown up and i will never have the chance to live a life full of young pain and hopelessness again
i remember this gay guy i met in berlin at a party once
we talked about age and he totally freaked out on turning twenty in the following days
he told me he will just turn twenty into twenteen because he doesn't want to lose the teen
we talked about our aniexty of ageing for a while and became close friends
this new years eve i will stay at home and hide ,drink a lot of champagne out of the bottle and watch crappy movies while eating fast food.


  1. haha. same here... du bist nicht alleine.

  2. I feel exactly the same.I tried to be "grown up" but I mess up everything.
    Next year I turn twenty and it scares the shit out of me.

  3. mach dir mal keine sorgen, innerlich bleibst du immer jung egal wie du von außen aussiehst. bleib einfach so wie du bist und dann merkst du das gar nicht das du älter wirst, mach einfach dasselbe was du immer gerne machst egal wie alt du bist.

  4. don't worry babes, I'm 20 and I'm fine..
    well sort of :P

  5. nein kyra silvester bleibst du nicht zuhause sonst bringe ich dich um

  6. du sprichst mir echt aus der sehle! aber mit allem!